Life has been so crazy lately! When I think back on the past few months I wonder what in the world I did cause I have a horrible memory but it's slowly coming back. The biggest thing in my life right now is my new callling in church. About two months ago I got called as a Laurel advisor for the girls in my church from 16-18 years old. It came as a total surprise cause I felt like I'd finally just got a hang of my old calling, teaching the 14-15 sunday school class which just happened to be all boys and I loved it!! I looked forward to sunday school every week and I hoped that I was able to spark the same kind of desire in my class. I had all these ideas ready to go for the next couple of months and then WHAM out of nowhere I got released! On one hand I was super excited to be working in Young Women's but on the other hand I was super freaked out to be working with young women! I just felt like I was so not cool enough to be teaching them or relating to them.
The first month was not so bad cause we had stake conference and general conference so I only really had to teach them twice. Then one day at an activity I get pulled into the bishops office and extended the calling of 1st counselor in the YW's presidency. The funny thing was that I wasn't too surprised about that for some reason so I accepted. I was totally stressed out about it and I happened to be hanging out with our new YW Pres and I asked her why me. She said she knew there was a definite reason I was called into that position, I was the only person and spot she knew right away once being called herself, but that she wasn't going to tell me because she felt like it was something I needed to find out for myself.
Since then I've had huge growing experiences with the gospel. A few months ago before I was called into YW's I'd been feeling a little low and I was struggling with the "why" of my own life. Although I wasn't unhappy where I was I couldn't help feeling a little unfulfilled with what I was doing. I'm a little ashamed to say I even put off praying for understanding and humility for fear of how the Lord might teach me. I started gradually trying to change my attitude and attend more activities organized to help in spiritual growth (my fav? Ensign night) and listening to more uplifting music. One thing that helped so much was listening to a book on CD called "The Holy Secret." I think the most beneficial thing I got out of that book was how to study the scriptures better. It really renewed my desire to search and ponder. I realized that I didn't know all the lessons and reasons for things in the scriptures and that nothing was put in them by coincidence. The icing on the cake was having to teach the presidency message for all the young women on faith. I really prayed and searched for a better understanding of this principle and was surprised not only by what I learned but also by how much I already knew. The trick was teaching not what I wanted but what the Lord wanted but also at one point acknowledging that what I prepared was fine with what the Lord wanted.
I've been so busy organizing and trying to be someone who the girls will want to look up to and can. I think I've grown a lot in loving myself and where I'm at because I realized that the girls in YW's won't be comfortable with someone who is not comfortable with herself first. I know I still have a lot to work on but I'm so grateful to be having this experience! Our wards in the little suburb we live in are getting reorganized and branch is being made so I might only be in this calling for another 3 weeks but I'm so grateful for the learning I've been able to do and for the Lord knowing me well enough to know that I would take this experience and try to do the best I can! I'm amazed all the time by how well the Lord knows us and how much trust He has in us. He gives us callings and trials that we don't ever think we ourselves could ever handle, but he knows what we're capable of. Yes my life is full, I might not understand exactly why I am where I am but I can appreciate that I am where I'm supposed to be and that I'm on the Lord's path.
